The adaptation of “The Hunger Games” was remarkably faithful to the book–and it helps that the book’s simplicity and cinematic scope translated so easily to the strictures of screenwriting.
One thing that wasn’t in the movie, however, was the presence of Muttations that exhibited the faces/physicalities of the dead tributes.
“We made the decision that they not be specific tributes, because if we did it, we would have been a massive digression at a moment in the movie where I didn’t think it could have afforded that. You’re hurdling toward the end and that would have taken a tremendous amount of room at a time when we didn’t have it. However, I will say that all the mutts, if you really look at them, they’re really half-human and half-dog. If you put a mutt’s face next to a dog’s face, and next to a human face, you really will see that they’re a hybrid of the two. And so we were specific about that.
Hmmmm… I’m not so sure they’re hybrids–they ended up looking like bulldogs, so yes, more pushed-in than a proud lupine jaw, but definitely not telegraphing “human”. But I’ll tell you the real reason: it’s because CGI wolves with human faces would have looked silly. Even in the book, I found it hard to picture exactly what these things would look like–how can a wolf look like Thresh without having some goofy human characteristics?
Here’s some fan art that tries, and despite their best efforts… I decree: silly (not the artists’ faults–they’ve been dealt a losing conceptual hand, amiright?)
Not as scary as giant rabid wolves (see also: Liam Neeson flick "The Grey")
Definitely not as scary as giant rabid wolves
But, muttations–genetic crossbreeding–can be pretty damn cool in the world of music. So the Jukebox leaves you with two Musical Muttations that redeem Susan Collins for one of her few visions that didn’t quite translate in the book-to-cinema arena.
So the comic book crossover is a fairly standard device at this point, where the brilliant minds behind the industry come up with some amazing story that’s so important that it brings together characters from several different titles. REALLY, what crossovers are about is money. Because if I write a story that features 10 different characters that each have their own book, now you as the reader have to buy ALL TEN BOOKS in order to get the whole story. Guaranteed sales!
Sometimes crossovers are awesome, sometimes they are super lame, but in the case of Marvel’s most recent event, Avengers vs. X-Men, I don’t really care how it turns out. Because (I’m fairly certain) the result of this crossover is the one thing I’ve been waiting for several years now… the return of the Phoenix.
The Phoenix, aka Jean Grey, is a staple character in the X-Men’s cannon. In short, she was a mutant, born with the special powers of telepathy and telekinesis, and was a founding member of the X-Men. From there, depending on who’s telling the story, she was physically photocopied and replaced by a cosmic entity called the Phoenix Force, which basically got drunk on human emotions, went crazy, blew up a planet with 5 billion people on it, and then committed suicide. Then, SURPRISE, it’s revealed Phoenix wasn’t actually Jean (coughretconcouch), so she was allowed to come back to the living. Over time though, her powers (and awesomeness) continued to grow until she finally became the Phoenix for real. And then she was swiftly murdered by the Magneto-that-wasn’t-Magneto (coughcoughworstretconeveromgwhydotheyhateuscoughcough). So now she’s dead and everyone’s moved on, only no one has moved on because Jean Grey was literally (figuratively) the Queen of all Mutants, and no one (especially that dick Cyclops) can go more than a week without some sort of reference to her, a matter not helped by the presence of her daughter and this chick, who’s… a clone? A reincarnation? I dunno. Suppose we’ll find that out in a couple months when the crossover concludes.
So what makes the Phoenix so badass? Well, there’s the brain crushing telepathy. Jean Grey was already one of the most powerful telepaths around (described several times as the second most powerful mind on the planet, after Professor Xavier), and the Phoenix just took all that and amped it up. Then, there’s the unfathomable telekineticabilities. Rearranging molecules? Turning trees into gold? Flying through space unaided? I mean, when was the last time you transported yourself and five of your closest friends onto a moving spaceship? Pyrokinesis, energy manipulation… this chick can do it all. But at the end of the day, the giant honking firebird just beats all.
Color coding is vital where the Phoenix is concerned. Green means Jean’s in charge. Jean is a perfectly sane, rational, compassionate young woman who’s got nothing but love for (almost) everyone. Red means “that bitch is crazy” and will likely peel you layer by layer. No, really. White, the newest addition, means Jean has finally transitioned into the goddess that she is. She super mellow, kind of like being high on cosmic weed. And then there’s Famke, who (through no fault of her own) is the color of suck, as the worst adaptation/depiction of the Phoenix. Ever.
Ever.
THIS is how you rep the Dark Phoenix, fools.
So Avengers vs. X-Men is on sale now, and Marvel’s Mightiest Mutants are battling Marvel’s Mightiest Heroes to determine the fate of Hope Summers (potential clone child mentioned earlier), who is most definitely the target of the Phoenix Force, headed straight for earth. She’s potentially the harbinger of doom for planet Earth (so you could see why Captain America might be concerned), but she’s also slated to be the savior of mutant kind (called the Mutant Messiah, even), which is why the X-Men are pretty pissed about the idea of letting her get captured/killed. Like with Marvel’s other recent big crossover, they’re asking fans to choose a side. Not that it needs to be stated, but THIS blog is Team X-Men, all day long.
So technology is the way of the future and beyond that, it’s really fun and cool and easy to use. Beyond reading, which is what we all should be doing on our smart devices (I absorb more news from one ten minute sweep of an iPad than 30 minute on the internet, true story), there is so much out there in the world of the internets! Since I just got an iPad and I’m on the hunt for apps, I wanted to share with you my specially curated list (different from the practical sort you’ll find on a google search) of apps especially essential to our (my?) survival.
1. The Zombie Apocalypse Survival App aka. Map of the Dead
Dudes, listen. If those Zombies come for us (or rather, when those zombies come for us), we’re gonna be freaking out and wishing we had prepared better because listen, it’s pretty confusing and difficult to take on a bunch of the walking dead. Thank goodness I found this new app called Map of the Dead. All of you have to do is type in your zip code and there you have it: a list of gun stores, hospitals, police, and most important, liquor stores. Beyond that, you can check out the “danger zones,” which I just did, and basically, this applies to the entire 500 mile radius around my apartment so…good luck to me! (note to people who care to download this onto their smart device: this may not be an app in the technologically advanced interpretation of this term).
Live in a big city? Or maybe one with few parking spaces and really confusing parking garage layouts? Well, you well never again have to ask, “Dude, where’s my car?” or call the police when you’ve given up looking and concluded that your car has been stolen. This app will remember where you parked and help you get back to your car! Because it’s a genius! And if this one doesn’t work, there are about 80 more versions of this type of thing out there and between all of them, you should be able to find your car. Otherwise, I’m sorry, maybe you shouldn’t be driving.
Live in a city without public transportation and forced into the situation where you have to worry about how many drinks might’ve been too many? Well, instead of chancing it and driving when you shouldn’t or cutting yourself off after 2 sips of beer, because you’re an over-worrier, why not calculate your BAC using this lovely app? This is key to one’s survival, especially in a city like Los Angeles where you rarely can get anywhere without driving there yourself.
Often work sucks and sometimes the professor at school that you already knew was boring goes off on one too many incoherent tangents about something that will definitely not be on the test. These moments feel impossible to live through and time goes by so slowly. So why not parallel your struggle to survive with an entertaining one by playing the Hunger Games Survival game. It’s hip and so hot right now. And you’ll get a little closer to quitting time without the excruciating pain of watching the seconds pass by on the ugly old clock that just won’t stop ticking…
In what can really only be called a victory for womankind, Mattel is making a Barbie version of Katniss Everdeen. It would almost be moronic not to, given the sweeping success of the books and now the movie, but why this a GOOD thing is because this franchise of body dysmorphia issues for girls everywhere has made a Barbie who is TOUGH.
Sure, she’s maybe still got a rockin’ bod that’s nearly humanly impossible, but she’s not wearing a dress! She’s wearing her arena outfit. From that time, you know, when she was fighting to the death? That! And weapons!!!
My hair is not a concern.
That’s right. A quiver of arrows. Boots. And a glint in her eye that does not seem to ask for her hair to be brushed.
Do I think girls will find a way to share clothes with Malibu Barbie and maybe get Katniss in a bikini? Sure. But the fact that Skipper could get clipped with an arrow if she’s not careful – a fantastic addition to the fantasy play of girls everywhere. More details here.
Also, another great use of The Hunger Games to improve society can be found below – a very nicely done hipster spoof!
In my novel The Gathering of the Chosen, events culminate in an epic battle fought in the town of Ruby, North Dakota, against a grim foe: The Bleakness*. From the novel:
The Grand Master sent them to their prearranged posts on the makeshift outer walls. Liza and James with Darlene and Sophia, Ana with Glen, ready to shoot crossbows and throw spears at the gray invaders. Lucas had been puzzled by these choices of weapon—why not bring out the artillery? In this remote town in North Dakota there must be all kinds of assault rifles tucked under beds and in closets, owned by the type of Americans who were scared of their Federal Government in a way that Canadians never were. Then he got an impromptu anatomy lesson from the old woman, Sophia. Something about the Bleakness not having internal organs or bones, so bullets passed right through the membranes of their bodies. And when bullets passed through something, they did far less damage than when they could smack against a kidney or a rib. Better to bludgeon them with an older brand of terror. Arrows launched by a stretched bow and spears by a human arm would not travel as fast as gunpowder bullets, but for this very reason were more likely to lodge in the chest of a Bleakness footsoldier and send him from this world.
*(said battle takes place on New Year’s Eve, not in Spring–just trying to sneak things into my preexisting Spring framework, ya hear?)
In honor of battle, here are a few of the tunes (out of millions) that touch on the theme:
Timid Question: Perhaps we can give up the fight and go home?
Brave Answer: No Retreat, No Surrender!
Timid Question: Perhaps we’ll hide in the dusty alleyways of Rugby?
Brave Answer: There Be No Shelter Here!
Timid Question: Perhaps The Bleakness will just put us in a nice POW camp?
Brave Answer: No One’s Gonna Take Us Alive!
Semantics note: It looks as though “perhaps” is a gateway-word to timidity. Don’t use it. Be a decider.
There’s much more to Robb White’s 1972 classic than a ragey title and a ragey author (seriously…two Bs? Sounds like a professional wrestling villain). It’s a classic man vs. nature vs. man vs. slingshot tale that takes place in one of the most desolate and unforgiving landscapes in the world–California’s Mojave Desert.
The plot follows a timid college student, Ben, who’s hired to lead a professional hunter and asshole, Madec (another wrestling name–perhaps a tag team with Robbbb White?), across the desert to hunt rare bighorn sheep. Things go disastrously awry, and Madec ends up hunting not the sheep, but……wait for it…………BEN!!!!
YOU STOLE THE IDEA FOR MY MOVIE, MOTHERFUCKER! What? The book came first? MY APOLOGIES, MOTHERFUCKER!
Deathwatch follows a long line of human-hunting survivalist stories dating back to The Most Dangerous Game, though it brings a distinctly bleak and gritty take: Ben skins and eats a raw bird at one point, after drinking out of a shit-filled puddle. There’s really nothing YA about the book, other than the protagonist is youngish and has to fight back against the an older authority figure who happens to have a .358 Norma Magnum aimed at him the whole time. In order to survive, Ben, hopelessly outmatched, has to use hit wits and the one weapon at his disposal:
Ben uses his slingshot in an ingenious fashion at the climax, giving him the upper hand over Madec and providing sweet sweet retribution for bookish types everywhere who’ve ever been hunted by hotshot LA lawyers across a desert. The book is one part revenge fantasy, one part survivalist how-to, and all parts awesome.
BONUS
Please enjoy a clip from the 1974 film Savages, based on Deathwatch, in which Andy Griffith, as Madec, forces Ben to strip at gunpoint. Homoeroticism never looked so grainy!
“Wrath of the Titans” dropped this past weekend. I haven’t seen it yet, but it looks like the kind of flick I would watch. Especially since I saw “Clash” and “Immortals.” Now, in all honesty, I get those two so mixed up in my mind that I can barely differentiate them (“Immortals” will always be the one with the Hotness drenched in the Exxon Valdez) but, honestly, who cares? No one’s going to this movie to be moved by dramatic and inspired storytelling.
Which brings us to this week’s 3T: demigod.
Demigods are those lucky humans whose rando human parent got freaky with an immortal deity, and therefore have some special extra-human quality. It can be anything from super strength, to mechanical aptitude, to the ability to see the future, to smelling really nice. There really is no standardization according to any source for who gets what in the powers department, so our definition pretty much ends there.
Ignoring ancient religious texts (what? You didn’t realize that what we consider to be mythology WAS the actual religious practice of the day?), we’ll just take a look at some of the, um, more attractive demigods in recent pop culture.
Theseus, son of Aegeus and Poseidon, who in “Immortals” was handy with a bow but got his ass kicked by Mickey Rourke.
A lot of interesting tidbits from the world wide webs out there. First of all, the HUNGER GAMES continues its incredible box office dominance by eclipsing its closest competitor by a tidy $25 mill in its 2nd weekend. If the movies are fighting to the death, looks like the Hunger Games is winning.
Does anyone out there have interest in the 3rd place finisher this weekend, MIRROR MIRROR? A fairytale reboot featuring Nathan Lane doing what he does and Julia Roberts trying to play evil (and not just for breaking up the Ocean’s 11 gang this time), the reviews have been mixed to meh, but it’s still doing well. If you’ve seen it, let us know!
Did Bjork make that swan hat? That's a bella swan of a different color...
And finally, when you think of acting chops capable of encapsulating the sort of enigmatic often-described-as-genius, yet also maybe a jerk, who was Steve Jobs, who pops into your head as a great choice for that in a movie about the life of Steve Jobs? DID ANYONE PICK THIS GUY????
This will be a different kind of macking by Steve Jobs...
In honor of the imminent return of the Avatar Universe, in the form of the new series “The Legend of Korra,” this week’s 3T is:
Firebender.
“Avatar: The Last Airbender” introduced the world to Aang, a 12 year old boy blessed with the power to wield the four elements: water, earth, fire, and air. They call this ability “bending.” Firebenders in particular are able to create fire within themselves, and then project it outwards, through their hands, feet, and, in at least one case, their mouths. Additionally, firebenders can control open flame, shaping it and guiding it as they see fit.
The world of Aang and Avatar is brilliantly rendered by series creators Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko, and I cannot be more thrilled about that we the fans are FINALLY going to get to go back. “Korra” focuses on the world 70 years after the adventures of Aang and crew, as Korra has now become the new avatar (which clearly means Aang is dead. Sad face). But, in staying on topic, though Avatar gave us the term “firebender,” it’s doesn’t hold the patent on the ability itself.
In the non-Nick Toons world, firebending is known as pyrokinesis, which is a term we will definitely deal with in greater detail at some point in the near future. In the meantime, I leave you with this, firebending at its best.
chroniclesofamisfit 
